I Am A Prisoner

An Essay by Katayuon Kosha

My name is Katayuon Kosha. I am from Afghanistan and my nationality is Hazara. I was born in 2004 in one of the remote provinces of Afghanistan. I am 18 years old and the oldest child in my family. Before the Taliban came, I used to go to school. I am in the 10th grade but unfortunately now I am not allowed to study. I’m supposed to just be busy with housework without any hope or progress. Whenever I think about my future, I am disappointed about the possibility of attaining the future I had planned in this terrible country, Afghanistan. There is no way for us to be released from this prison.

I was born in Ghor province in a small village in Lale Saregangle district. When I was seven years old, I started school. My school was very far away but I continued to go and after two years I got to the first grade. I am very intelligent but unfortunately in our school we only studied up to the sixth grade so when I was in the sixth grade I had to go to Kabul, the capital of Afghanistan, to continue my studies. I couldn’t live in Kabul alone. It was not safe for me as an Afghan girl, so my family had to come to Kabul with me. At first, we didn’t have a house to live in. I started studying at Omid Sabz high school and also took English classes at Super Star Educational Center.

After a year my family had to return to Lale district because of some problems. I didn’t go back to the village. I stayed in Kabul to finish school and go to college. I was very interested in becoming a doctor and I am still interested. When I was in 9th grade the Taliban came and because of those cruel devils I could no longer go to school. It was a very sudden event and in one day all my life became dark. Now I must live by the rule of the Taliban: no self-improvement, no school, no freedom and no respect. I can’t even go outside nowadays. I just sit at home and dream about the time when I can achieve my freedom, when I can start studying again. When will the Taliban allow me to go out and when can I make my future?

I don’t want to be an uneducated person in the future. I’ve thought a lot about solutions and how I can change the situation for myself but there doesn’t seem to be a way. I can do nothing for myself. When the schools closed, I went to my English class and other classes but one day there was an explosion in our center in Kaje. Many girls were murdered but we continued going to school until, once again, the Taliban closed the door of educational centers for girls. One day they came to our classroom and said angrily that girls could not to go the center. They ordered girls to go their houses and never come back. All of us started crying and I asked them to please let us study, but they didn’t care and forced us to leave our class. Afterwards, I was so sad.

I want to do work that I like. I want to go everywhere that I want. This country is like hell, a prison for me. I have no way forward. I must leave this country as soon as possible. I am very afraid. I am a prisoner inside the house just hiding, being depressed. I don’t want to do repetitive chores every day like sweeping. I want to become an independent woman in the future. I want to work outside my home. Here, I can’t fulfil my smallest wish, which is to go to a concert. I want to go the gym. I have lots of wishes but I think I will never achieve any of them if this situation goes ahead like this. I can’t achieve my goals in Afghanistan.