Love? (Part 1)

By Noorjahan H.

An image from a few years ago when young women were still allowed to go to school

I was about to begin the eleventh grade at school. As usual I was excited to start school again, study my lessons and see my friends. There was a shop in front of our school that sold books, notebooks, pens and other things. I always bought the things I needed for school there.

After two weeks of school, I went to the shop again and bought a notebook and pen. When I got home, I wanted to organized my books and notebooks. When I opened the new notebook, there was letter addressed to me. I was curious. I opened it and this is what I read:

Hi Roua,

I want so much to tell you this face to face but I can’t. I decided to write down all the things in my heart. Roua Jan, when I saw you, I knew you. Every day, I wait to see you going and coming back from school and every time I see you my spirit is lifted and life becomes fresh again. I understand now that what I feel is love. I have fallen in love. I love you so much.

Please, Roua, don’t reject me because without you, life would be hell. I’m giving you my phone number and I will wait until tomorrow for your call. If you don’t call me, I will understand you have rejected me and won’t accept me. If that happens, life will have no meaning for me. I will end my life. You will hear the news of my death and know that life has no value for me without you.

Love, Omid

When I read his words, my body became cold, as if someone had put me in a pit of ice.

I read the letter again and again. Until I couldn’t read it any longer. I asked God what I should do. I didn’t know if what Omid said was the truth or if he just wanted to lure me out to meet him. But what if he killed himself? Then what?

I did not want to be the reason a person killed himself. How could I live with that?

I thought about it for hours and made the decision to call him.

Roua: Hi, are you Omid?

Omid: Yes, who are you?

Roua: I am Roua

Omid: I can’t believe it! You have accepted my proposal. I was so sure you would not accept me and this night would be the last night of my life.

Roua: Omid, I am calling you to say that I don’t have any feelings for you. I’m sorry.

Omid: Roua Jan, if I was with you, life would have value to me. If you aren’t with me, it will not. You are life to me.

Roua: That makes no sense. You don’t know me.

Omid: Love never makes sense. But I know that I fell in love with you.

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Afghan Voices

Writing by Afghan writers. Editor/Publisher: Nancy Antle; Editor: Pamela Hart